


Cold Blooded

by RensSaxophone



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone
Summary: A Joker Trap Fanfic. There's death, guns, injury, and just overall dark themes!
Relationships: Ichinose Tokiya / Kurosaki Ranmaru
Kudos: 7





	Cold Blooded

Tokiya and Ranmaru were married. They had been married for a few years- and it was a quick decision. 

While they had been dating, Ranmaru had gotten himself into some hot water, and had admitted to Tokiya that after a few decisions that had gotten out of his hands, he had been roped into going into an Agency, as a fighter Agent. 

Tokiya had been terrified to hear it. Terrified for Ranmaru’s safety. 

But Ranmaru felt similarly, though he had been a bit less open about it than Tokiya had. Because Ranmaru didn’t feel comfortable leaving Tokiya alone- he worried what would happen if he had a partner that anyone could use against him, and he worried how Tokiya would fare if Ranmaru left him. 

Ranmaru could justify leaving Tokiya, no matter how painful it would be to Ranmaru, if he knew that Tokiya would be safe. But Ranmaru wasn’t sure that Tokiya would be safe from himself, if Ranmaru were to leave him. It wasn’t a good thing about Tokiya- but Ranmaru had a hard time being upset at Tokiya for it. 

Tokiya’s past was a rougher one- with his father leaving and his mother attempting to control his life. He had met Ranmaru when Tokiya was fourteen and Ranmaru was fifteen. Two years later, Tokiya had showed up to Ranmaru’s window in the middle of the night. 

_Ranmaru had woken up to a sharp tap on his window. He lived in an apartment on the second floor, shared with his mother and sister, but he was the only one of the three to have his own room. He’d grumble under his breath, getting up sleepily to check on the noise, but he’s awakened quickly when he sees Tokiya. Tokiya looks unsteady, gripping tightly onto the tree branch, but he looks determined- though even in the dark Ranmaru can see the tear stains on Tokiya’s face. Ranmaru is extremely quick to open the window, reaching out to grab Tokiya’s upper arms in a tight grip. He’s not pulling, because he doesn’t want to knock Tokiya down- but Tokiya was shaky and Ranmaru wasn’t willing to let him fall._

_“The hell are you doin’? Just… come forward real slow, Toki, okay? Try ‘t get yourself on the ledge so I can get you in.”_

_They had been dating for a little over a year already, but Tokiya had never once **scaled the tree** besides Ranmaru’s apartment to get in. He’s never made a midnight house visit, either. Tokiya manages to get one hand, and then the other, on the ledge, and Ranmaru’s hands move to just under Tokiya’s arms. Tokiya’s arms wrap around Ranmaru’s neck, and Ranmaru pulls him in. Tokiya’s knees land on the ledge, but instead of giving Tokiya a chance to just step in himself, Ranmaru pulls him in the rest of the way, his hands lowering to Tokiya’s waist. _

_“‘Ave you ever even **climbed** a tree before? What would you ‘ve done if you’d fallen?” Ranmaru immediately fell into lecturing Tokiya, as soon as Tokiya’s feet were safely on the floor of Ranmaru’s bedroom. “Jesus, if it’s real serious, Toki, just go ‘t the door. I’d rather you wake up the whole apartment than get yourself hurt fallin’ outta a fuckin’ tree.”_

_Tokiya stays silent, his arms still around Ranmaru’s neck and his head on Ranmaru’s bare shoulder._

_Ranmaru sighs, when Tokiya doesn’t speak. “You’ve been cryin’. What’s goin’ on, Toki? Sneakin’ out real late isn’t like you.”_

_“I fought with my mom.” Tokiya says quietly. “It’s the worst I’ve ever fought with her- and she… she blamed you. She had the nerve to blame **you** for why I’ve ‘changed’. For why I’m not doing well enough. It started because I told her I was **unhappy** Ran. She was lecturing me about why I wasn’t good enough, and I told her I was just… I’m not happy. I’m miserable, Ran, and she’s trying to blame **you** for being a bad influence and saying that you’re why I’m suddenly so sad, but it isn’t fair! You’re the only person in my life that… helps. That ever listens to me.” Tokiya starts crying at this point. “I have a bag, below the tree. I’m… I threw some things in a bag and I left. I’m not going back. I… I can’t stay here. I don’t… I can’t be brought back, Ran, I- I came here to say goodbye. I didn’t want to scare you, by disappearing. And I… I wanted to see you. Before I left for good.”_

_Ranmaru holds onto him tightly. “‘N just what is yer plan? Where ‘r you gonna go? You don’t have a car, Toki, ‘n you don’t have a job.”_

_Tokiya gets quiet for a long moment, but Ranmaru doesn’t talk until he does. “...I don’t know, Ran. I… I was just going to… walk, I guess. To see if I could find somewhere, or something.”_

_Ranmaru huffs, and he finally lets go of Tokiya. Tokiya slowly releases him. Ranmaru shuts his window, and then gives Tokiya a stern look. “Sit down on my bed ‘n stay there ‘til I get back.” Tokiya hesitates, but he nods, moving to the bed to sit. Ranmaru leaves his room, closing his door behind him, and when Ranmaru returns, he’s holding Tokiya’s bag._

_Tokiya’s eyes hold fear. “Please don’t send me back, Ran.”_

_Ranmaru sighs. “Calm down. ‘M not gonna. But ‘fore we talk about any ‘a this, I didn’t wanna just leave yer bag down there. Doubt it’d still be there fer long.”_

_Tokiya swallows. “I’m… I’ll be okay, Ran.” Tokiya says softly._

_“Yeah. You will be.” Ranmaru says gruffly, heading to his closet. Tokiya watches him, but glances away when he removes his pants, to begin getting dressed. “‘Cause I’m goin’ with you.”_

_“Ran-”_

_“Ya don’t have a plan, or money, ‘r anythin’, I’m not lettin’ you leave by yourself.”_

_Tokiya covers his mouth as he sobs again. “A-are you sure…?”_

_“‘Course I am.” When Tokiya glances back, Ranmaru is just slipping on a shirt, loading things into a duffle bag._

_“What about your family?”_

_“They’ll be fine.” Ranmaru comments gruffly. “Most ‘a the money I make ‘s mine, anyways. I’ve barely gotta chip in anymore, ‘sides for my own food ‘n shit.” Ranmaru had gotten a part-time job from the age of fifteen. He had already been working when Tokiya had met him. “‘N my mom can’t drive so it’s not like ‘m stealin’ the car ‘r anythin’. It’s kind of a piece ‘a shit, but it’ll work.”_

_Tokiya has to cover his face with his hands, and Ranmaru pauses, going over to rub Tokiya’s back. His voice softens. “If you’re desperate enough ‘t run away, of course I’m gonna take you seriously. But I’m not gonna let you run away ‘n go starve in a street. I’d rather go with ya. Mom knew I’d be leavin’ soon as I graduated, anyways. We’re just havin’ the ‘where do we go’ situation on less money and a few years early is all.”_

_“Would you really have asked me to go with you?”_

_“Don’t sound so surprised.” Ranmaru clicks his tongue. “‘Course I would’a. Probably would’ve found somewhere close by ‘t stay while you graduated ‘n then we would’a left, assumin’ you wanted to. If not, I’d’ve just invited you ‘t stay with me. But if we wanna get any sorta distance before mornin’, I’ve gotta finish packin’.”_

_Tokiya nods, quieting down as Ranmaru fills the duffle bag. When he’s done, he takes Tokiya’s bag and opens it._

_“Ran?”_

_“Yer bag felt too light. ‘N I was right. These ‘r all jeans, underwear, button downs ‘n a book.” Ranmaru huffs, but goes back to his closet. He tosses a few of the shirts he hadn’t chosen to take onto the bed- and it’s followed by two pairs of sweatpants, a sweater, and a heavy, leather jacket. He heads back over to the bed to start shoving things into Tokiya’s backpack. “Dunno where we’re going, but you’d be fucked if it got cold.”_

_Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow, but when Ranmaru glances at his face, he just kisses Tokiya’s forehead._

_“Don’t give me that look, babe. If this is what’s best fer you, ‘m more ‘n happy ‘t follow. Fuck, Toki, if I hadn’t met you, I’d already be gone. ‘M not leavin’ anythin’, alright? Trust me.”_

They had left with the two bags and Ranmaru’s bass, and years later they found themselves in a small, one bedroom home with simple, steady jobs and a fairly regular schedule, until Ranmaru’s spotty disappearances and grim admittal. 

“...I want you ‘t come with me.” Ranmaru’s decision hadn’t been an easy one. He didn’t want Tokiya involved in the Agent life at all- but he couldn’t watch over Tokiya if Tokiya stayed alone. And Ranmaru knew that Tokiya wouldn’t be happy, either, if he were left alone. Ranmaru was well aware that Tokiya didn’t sleep well alone in a bed- and often times he just _wouldn’t_ sleep. Ranmaru hated going on trips because Tokiya could run on three to four days of no sleep, so Ranmaru didn’t often leave. 

Tokiya often insisted that Ranmaru still could. 

_”Ran…” Tokiya’s voice is almost fearful. “Is… is our relationship toxic? Am… am I making it toxic?”_

_Ranmaru was currently in the process of trying to get Tokiya to sleep after Ranmaru had been gone for a few days on a work trip he couldn’t miss, but Tokiya’s exhaustion had turned into paranoia- though this was a subject Ranmaru could tell that Tokiya had been thinking about before. Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow, but he doesn’t stop lowering Tokiya down, almost pinning him to the bed. Tokiya doesn’t stop trying to sit up. “You’ve got some real bad habits, Toki, ‘n I think they’re unhealthy. I think we need ‘t work on ‘em- but everythin’ I do for you ‘m choosin’ to. You’re not guiltin’ me into it, babe.”_

_“...You were so nervous to leave me. ...Isn’t that-”_

_“That’s not the same.” Ranmaru’s voice starts sharp but turns grim. “...It’s not like I don’t love you, ‘r like I don’t see anythin’ good in you. I can tell you care about me, ‘n you treat me right, Toki. This isn’t a relationship problem, babe. I think you might rely on me a ‘lil too much… but it’s nothin’ we can’t work on with time.”_

Tokiya swallows hard, and he glances away from Ranmaru. “When… when are you going?”

“I’ve got three days.”

“...Will…” Tokiya closes his eyes, but he reaches out for Ranmaru’s hand, holding it between both of his own and pulling Ranmaru’s hand against his chest, close to his heart. “Will you marry me, Ran? Before we leave?”

Ranmaru’s expression softens, but he uses his free hand to pull Tokiya closer. Close enough to cup Tokiya’s face and pull him into a kiss. Ranmaru leans back, just a bit, to mumble, “‘Course I will, babe. Tomorrow mornin’, we can go get rings, ‘n find a place ‘t make it official, ‘n I can cook ya whatever you want ‘n we can spend that night together, just focusin’ on us.”

“Thank you, Ran.” 

It had been a quick marriage, but now, years later, both men lived together in a room at the Agency that had drafted an unwilling Ranmaru, their marriage and relationship surviving the stressful situation their job kept them in. 

Tokiya didn’t go on missions very often. He was assigned as an intelligence Agent, specializing in technology, and every mission he had gone onto up to this point was with Ranmaru. Tokiya carried a gun, but in all of the missions he had been in, he had never once pulled the trigger. 

But then Ranmaru had started acting strangely- disappearing for up to two nights at a time, and no matter what Tokiya had asked him, Ranmaru refused to give him a straight answer. 

At first, it was just… worrying. Tokiya was worried for Ranmaru- and then it became concerning. 

Especially when the Agency starting sending Tokiya and Ranmaru notices. They had been due to go on a mission. Tokiya had brought it up to Ranmaru, who assured him that he’d be back soon to take Tokiya on the mission and appease the Agency, but when another Agent came around to collect them, whether they were ready or not- Tokiya was alone, and he had been for two nights now. 

He hadn’t slept, but the Agent had taken him anyways. 

Tokiya’s hands had been trembling from the moment he had answered the door to the moment he entered the mission, entirely alone. He was the only Agent sent- and it wasn’t an intelligence mission. Tokiya had one target, but there were up to ten people in this building. It was an assassination mission, something that Tokiya had gone on before but never anything that Tokiya had gone through alone. 

And the entire time that Tokiya was slipping through a side entrance, he couldn’t stop thinking of Ranmaru. He couldn’t stop wishing that he was back in his Agency-assigned room with Ranmaru besides him. Wishing that he would wake up from his nightmare and Ranmaru would just reassure him and help him fall back asleep, held tightly in Ranmaru’s arms. 

This wasn’t a good thought process for Tokiya to fall into, but his attention was stretched thin and his sleep deprivation was hitting him hard. He finally takes a deep breath in, unsheathing his gun and fully entering the building. 

When he encounters the first man, only in the first room that he enters, he points the gun without thinking, but he hesitates in firing. The reason he pulls the trigger is because the man has noticed him- and has pulled his own trigger. Tokiya’s fingers squeeze when the bullet hits Tokiya’s shoulder- passing through the thin area near his neck. At first, Tokiya hardly feels it, but he quickly notices his hands shaking as the man slumps to the ground. 

Tokiya had a good aim. He knew how to use a gun. 

And then, when the man is down, the pain fully hits Tokiya. He has to stop, to tightly grip his gun as he bends over, clearly pained. His hands shake- but between the pain and his exhaustion, it comes out as anger. 

Anger at the situation. At the man who shot him. At the Agency, at himself, and even some at Ranmaru- for leaving him alone. Tokiya had never gotten hurt when he was with Ranmaru. 

Tokiya hears the noise of the next man approaching as he’s crouched over, but he straightens himself soon enough to watch the man enter the door- and he raises the gun just as quickly. The blinding pain in his arm is what gets him to pull the trigger this time. 

It takes two bullets, but the man drops and doesn’t hit Tokiya. 

Tokiya watches the body, but all he can feel is a sense of sick satisfaction. 

Bastards. 

Tokiya feels no remorse right now. Maybe the feelings of guilt comes later- but for now all that comes is a determination that no one will pass Tokiya. Tokiya will not be the next body, dead on the floor. 

Tokiya isn’t useless. 

Tokiya doesn’t need Ranmaru. 

He doesn’t need Ranmaru protecting him. Ranmaru can damn himself- Tokiya will just handle himself alone. 

Tokiya is aware that there are other possibilities. Something bad could have happened and maybe Tokiya was being too harsh. Tokiya was sleep-deprived and in pain and maybe even a little scared, and that didn’t help his irritability. 

But on the other hand- Ranmaru _knew_. Tokiya had told him that they would be sent on a mission soon. Maybe Ranmaru did or didn’t know that they’d be willing to send Tokiya alone, but it didn’t matter because they did. Tokiya’s wound, if he even bothered to tell Ranmaru about it if he even managed to leave, was on Ranmaru, in Tokiya’s opinion. Tokiya had been hovered over and protected on missions from the beginning. It was only natural that things wouldn’t go well, thrown into the deep end as he was. 

Tokiya kills two more men without blinking on his way to his actual target. He uses his last three bullets- one miss and two hits, killing the target and the one man with him. 

Three men approach from the door. Tokiya ducks behind the desk, as he fumbles to reload, but he feels a bullet enter his leg, not pulled close enough to himself to be covered, as he finally slams the magazine into the butt of the gun. 

Tokiya takes one more bullet in taking out the men- and the bullet hits his chest, lodging in his rib cage. Tokiya manages to get all three men using five bullets. When he limps his way towards the door, he unloads an extra three bullets into the chest of the already dead man that he believed had gotten the bullet into his chest. 

Tokiya ignores the blinding pain of using his injured leg to kick the man once for good measure. 

Tokiya uses one last bullet on the last man as he heads to the exit. 

The bullet hits the man’s back, as he tries to flee. 

Tokiya limps his way out to the car. 

When he gets back and debriefs them on the mission, before he had even gotten medical care, he had been _congratulated_. Tokiya should feel sick. He should feel sick at having killed human beings. He should feel sick for killing a man who was only trying to flee. He should feel sick for being praised for it. 

But Tokiya didn’t. Tokiya only felt empty, and in pain, and tired. 

The infirmary was worse. He isn’t given pain killers, or anesthetic, or anything to help the pain of digging out the bullets, stitching and cleaning the holes or finally bandaging them. He’s sent back to his room on foot when he’s done. He hadn’t made a noise, the entire time he was being fixed up.

Tokiya strips and discards of his bloody clothes when he’s in his room, changing into an old pair of sleep clothes. The sweatshirt and a pair of sweats that Ranmaru had shoved into Tokiya’s backpack, all of those years ago. Tokiya lays down, hoping to use his pain to help him sleep, but the bed is too empty. 

When the door opens, Tokiya doesn’t bother to turn around. 

“Toki…?” Ranmaru’s voice is very low. Very quiet.

“I’m not asleep.” Tokiya says flatly. 

Ranmaru sighs. “Alright. I’ll get changed ‘n lay down with you.” 

Tokiya says nothing, until Ranmaru gets into the bed and turns off the lights. “Don’t touch me.” Tokiya says, his voice colder than even he means it to be. “Just lay on your side of the bed.”

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything. Tokiya can’t see his face- but Ranmaru listens. Tokiya feels Ranmaru shift in the bed, but Tokiya doesn’t feel Ranmaru touch him. Tokiya likely wouldn’t have told him not to, despite his anger, if he hadn’t been in so much pain. 

Despite the pain, however, the extra weight in the bed does help Tokiya sleep. 

Tokiya’s terrible mood resurfaces, when he realizes that the bed he’s in is empty. It does dim, somewhat, when he notices that there’s someone in the bathroom. 

Tokiya had worried that Ranmaru was already gone. 

Tokiya lays in the bed, on his back, until the bathroom door opens. Ranmaru leaves, wearing nothing but sweats and a towel around his shoulders, but his expression turns cautious when he sees Tokiya. Tokiya’s anger dies down, just enough to keep himself from snapping. 

His anger at Ranmaru wasn’t entirely gone- but he didn’t want his anger to make Ranmaru leave. Whether it be temporarily or for good. 

Tokiya wanted Ranmaru to stay in the room. The idea of Ranmaru leaving sent a different kind of pain through Tokiya. 

“Toki.” Ranmaru’s voice is almost cautious when his eyes land on Tokiya. 

“Ran.” Tokiya’s response is almost weak. Ranmaru walks closer to Tokiya, but is stopped by a knock at the door. “I’d bet it’s for me.” Tokiya sighs, as Ranmaru’s head turns. “I’ll get it.”

Ranmaru seems a bit unsure, but he steps back. Tokiya struggles to get up, but waves Ranmaru off when Ranmaru tries to help, his expression much more serious. Tokiya’s face doesn’t change despite the pain, but he can’t help the limp when he makes his way to the door. He can feel Ranmaru hovering just behind him, even as he opens the door. He leans against the door frame, unable to hide the exhaustion on his face, even when faced with the Agent. 

“Agent Ichinose.” The other Agent greets. He’s holding a letter, and Tokiya holds out his hand. He recognizes it to be another mission. “The president wanted to compliment you on a job well done. He wants you on another mission, two days from now.”

“Two days?” Tokiya mumbles. He isn’t sure if that’s realistic- but denying a direct order isn’t an option. Even Ranmaru has yet to speak up. 

The Agent nods, but when Tokiya has the letter, he simply ducks his head and turns to head down the hallway. There’s no use in repeating information, especially not information in Tokiya’s letter. Tokiya closes the door, but Ranmaru grabs the letter before Tokiya gets back to the bed. Tokiya grits his teeth, but he continues to go lay down. The physical pain is hard to manage. 

He still hasn’t been hit with any emotional repercussions of everything he had done the day before. 

“What mission did you go on?” Ranmaru’s voice is almost dangerous, but his focus is on opening the letter. “No, fuck that. Where ‘r you hurt?”

“Those are both things that you’d have an answer to if you hadn’t disappeared off the face of the planet.” Tokiya answers, his voice tight. 

“Tokiya-” Ranmaru’s hands tighten on the letter, but he looks up to watch Tokiya. His expression is a mixture of frustrated and pleading. “I get that you’re mad ‘n I’m not gonna tell you that you shouldn’t be- but if you’re hurt I wanna know. That’s _serious_ , Toki.”

“I got beat up a bit, clearly, doing my mission.”

“Then you’re in no shape ‘t be doin’ another one-” Ranmaru trails off, looking at the paper. His voice drops, becoming lower. Harsher. “ _Alone_. That’s not-”

“Don’t.” Tokiya interrupts him. “Don’t finish that sentence. I’ve already done a mission completely alone while you were gone. It _has_ happened.”

A look of something akin to pain flashes across Ranmaru’s face. “It shouldn’t have.” Ranmaru says quietly. “I’m sorry I let it.”

“I told you.” Tokiya’s eyebrows furrow. “I told you that we had a mission coming up. I wasn’t meant to be alone.”

There’s definitely pain in Ranmaru’s expression now. “‘M sorry, Toki. I should’ve known better. I just thought we had more time.” 

“We didn’t.” Tokiya’s voice finally falls flat. “Will you at least tell me why you’ve been so distant?”

Ranmaru’s face changes multiple times, glancing around the room, and he finally sighs, closing his eyes for a long moment and then heading to the bed. He crouches down besides Tokiya, to pet through Tokiya’s hair, and he leans in so that he’s mumbling into Tokiya’s ear. “I found someone. Someone that got stuck in this mess like me ‘n you, ‘n I’ve been meetin’ with ‘em ‘t try to figure somethin’ out. To get us _both_ outta this situation ‘n keep us safe.” Ranmaru leans back, but he’s still petting through Tokiya’s hair. “My intentions don’t mean much, Toki. ‘N I should’a been ‘ere ‘n I’m real sorry that I wasn’t. You shouldn’t ‘a gotten hurt, ‘n I know that’s on me. ‘N I’m never gonna fuckin’ let it happen again.” When Tokiya reaches out, Ranmaru grabs his hand. 

“It’s a direct order for me to go-”

“No.” Ranmaru interrupts him grimly. “I’ve already fucked this up once. I’m not lettin’ you go alone on this one again. ‘N it’s so fuckin’ soon, ‘n you’re hurt-” Ranmaru’s jaw tenses, seemingly realizing something. “Toki, what exactly did ya mean when you said you got _beat up_.” Ranmaru had noticed that Tokiya’s face, while tired, wasn’t bruised at all. Ranmaru’s hand moves lower, hovering over the pants cuff of the leg Tokiya had been limping on. 

Tokiya sighs, but his voice just sounds tired. “I was up against ten men, nine of them armed. I was shot.”

Ranmaru’s entire body stills, tensing. Tokiya can watch the anger flare, and he can see Ranamru try to push it back down, too. “Your leg?”

“My shoulder and side, too. I’ve already gotten them-” As Tokiya speaks, Ranmaru has moved to gently roll up Tokiya’s pants leg, to examine the bandage. It’s harder, because Tokiya hasn’t let go of his hand, but he manages. “Bandaged.” Tokiya finishes. “All three wounds were taken care of.”

“You said _ten_ people?” Ranmaru can’t hide his incredulousness. “For one intelligence Agent?”

“I only needed to take care of one of them…” Tokiya’s expression doesn’t change. “But I left with all ten dead.”

Ranmaru’s eyes search Tokiya’s face, but Tokiya’s expression doesn’t change. “Toki-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Ranmaru doesn’t seem happy about letting it drop, but he does. It doesn’t stop him from finding Tokiya’s other injuries, looking over the bandages.

“What?” Tokiya is watching Ranmaru’s face- and Ranmaru hadn’t realized how obvious the new expression of anger and guilt had been, but he knows what Tokiya is questioning, and he sighs. 

“It wasn’t a mission fer you.” Ranmaru’s face becomes closed off and hard for a moment. It doesn’t soften until he’s done speaking, but it softens with pain. “I think they were tryin’ ‘t kill you, Toki. I don’t think they really thought you’d make it out. It was a message, not a mission.”

Tokiya doesn’t say anything. He isn’t sure what he’d say, anyways. 

Ranmaru dotes on Tokiya, for the next two days. Tokiya can’t find it offensive, or anger-inducing, because it doesn’t seem insincere. Tokiya knew Ranmaru well, after all the years he had known him, and he could tell just how guilty Ranmaru felt. 

Tokiya understood his intentions. They _were_ good intentions- but so long as this heavy, empty feeling settled in his chest, Tokiya couldn’t voice any reassurance to Ranmaru. He was too quiet over the next two days, and the majority of his time is spent sleeping. 

When Tokiya shows up for his mission, Ranmaru is with him, and while they do try to send him away- he refuses. Whether they were happy about it or not, they do let Ranmaru accompany Tokiya on the mission- another assassination one. 

Tokiya is still quiet, on the way to the location, but Ranmaru speaks lowly to him. “Are you gonna be okay doin’ this, Toki? You’re still real hurt.”

“I’ll be fine.” Tokiya responds flatly. Ranmaru frowns. Tokiya hesitates, his head turning to the window, and then he reaches out, to take Ranmaru’s hand in his. 

Tokiya wasn’t angry at Ranmaru. Tokiya just felt… lost. 

Empty. 

And despite how hard he had been trying otherwise, he couldn’t stop. He isn’t sure if it would help to speak to Ranmaru about it- but how does he explain to Ranmaru that he had killed _ten people_ and felt… _nothing_?

Even Ranmaru had spoken to Tokiya about how it was harder than he thought it would be, to take a life, the first _few_ times he had to. Ranmaru never went on an assassination mission and left with no one left alive. 

Ranmaru would never kill anyone that was fleeing.

Tokiya is still distracted when he leaves the vehicle to begin the mission. This time, there were fifteen members, and four that must be killed. 

“Stay behind me.” Ranmaru mumbles. His attitude had obviously changed- Tokiya doesn’t doubt for a single moment that Ranmaru’s guilt hasn’t lessened, and he also doesn’t doubt that Ranmaru is more on edge than he normally is, but he knows how to handle himself on missions. If he didn’t, Tokiya would have gotten hurt long ago. 

But the first shot fired comes from Tokiya. Ranmaru isn’t actually sure that the man had even drawn his gun yet. Ranmaru had stiffened for a long few seconds- something that Tokiya doesn’t react to, but he doesn’t miss. Ranmaru pulls Tokiya just a bit closer, lowering the arm that Tokiya still had raised with his pointed gun, and Ranmaru gives his order mumbled low in Tokiya’s ear. “Keep your gun down unless it gets real dangerous, alright? We can talk about this later- but I’ll take care ‘a this, ‘n I’ll keep you safe. I promise.” Tokiya’s expression changes, only slightly, but clearly not in a way that Ranmaru was hoping it would. Ranmaru doesn’t let Tokiya raise his hand, though his eyes glance around the room, ensuring that it was still only the two of them. “‘M not askin’ you ‘t get rid ‘a your gun. But we’ve been through worse without you ever havin’ ‘t even unsheath yours, ‘n that’s all ‘m askin’. Just sheath it. If things get bad, you can take it out.”

Tokiya is very slow in holstering his gun, but he finally does. With one more quick glance around them, Ranmaru cups Tokiya’s cheek and then lets his hand drop. 

“Stick close.”

Tokiya says nothing. 

The mission goes smoothly- the way that every mission except for Tokiya’s last one had. By the time that they’ve left, six people were dead. Only two more than they needed to kill. 

Tokiya is silent all the way up until they’re back in their room, and he frowns at Ranmaru’s expression. “You’ve been wearing that look a lot.” Tokiya’s voice hardens. “I wish you’d stop looking at me like that. I’m not broken.”

“You’re hurt, ‘n somethin’ else is goin’ on- ‘n I know it’s my fault but that doesn’t mean I should just let you ignore it.”

“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Toki, you shot someone without blinkin’. Are you okay?”

“I had to adapt quickly.” Tokiya scowls. 

“Stop fightin’ me, please.” Ranmaru moves, holding onto Tokiya’s arm, just above his elbow. His eyebrows are furrowed and his expression is grim. Tokiya isn’t sure if it’s because it’s Ranmaru, or if it’s because this is the calmest Tokiya can remember Ranmaru handling a situation in a long time, but he doesn’t step away. “Just talk to me, babe.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Tokiya sighs. Ranmaru’s free hand moves, to cradle the side of Tokiya’s face and tilt his head up. His eyes search Tokiya’s face. 

“What happened on that mission you went on alone?”

“I told you. There was one target and ten people total. I killed them all.” Tokiya’s voice is empty. An echo.

“Tell me in detail. Talk about it.”

“I got shot by the first man- and then I shot him. I killed a few of the others, and then I took out the target. I took two bullets after taking out the target… I had messed up, and I hadn’t pulled my leg in- and then I hadn’t switched out my bullets fast enough… And then I was leaving and…” Tokiya trails off, and finally, a feeling that wasn’t _empty_ passes through him, and it’s guilt, as he pictures the last man. As he pictures his bullet, making its way through his back. Ranmaru notices that Tokiya is on the edge of tears before Tokiya does. Ranmaru’s thumb brushes over Tokiya’s cheek as he continues, his voice showing his growing unease. “Someone was running. Away from me, I think, but-” Tokiya swallows hard, but he can’t look at Ranmaru’s face as his lip trembles. “I was tired, and angry and hurt and… God, I just shot him. I… I didn’t even have any of those excuses today.” Tokiya sways- he isn’t sure if he wants to take a step towards Ranmaru or away, but in the end, his leg ends up giving out under him and he falls. Tokiya catches Tokiya and lowers himself with him. When Tokiya winces at the way he’s resting on his leg, Ranmaru shifts him, moving Tokiya onto his lap, helping Tokiya straighten his hurt leg. “I’m a killer.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “And I’m a horrible excuse for a person. I- I didn’t even feel bad! I didn’t… I didn’t feel anything until…”

Ranmaru sighs, rubbing Tokiya’s back. “You blocked it out. It wasn’t that you didn’t feel anythin’- you shut down. ‘S just like you said. You were hurt, ‘n mad, ‘n exhausted ‘n you couldn’t handle addin’ on the guilt ‘a takin’ a life right then so yer head tried ‘t keep you from feelin’ anythin’ about it ‘til you could handle it.”

“I can’t.” Tokiya grips tightly onto Ranmaru’s shirt, his panic rising. “I can’t handle this.”

“...I can’t change what happened, but I can promise you it’s never happenin’ again. It’s not gonna be easy ‘t deal with, ‘n I’m sorry.” When Tokiya buries his face in the crook of Ranmaru’s neck, Ranmaru’s hand lifts, to cradle the back of Tokiya’s head. 

It’s clear that Ranmaru wants to comfort Tokiya- but what can he say? Tokiya wouldn’t know what to say either. 

Tokiya remembers dealing with Ranmaru, during his first period of guilt. But it had helped Ranmaru, assuring both of them that Tokiya would never go through this. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Ran.” Tokiya’s voice is weak. “I want it to end. I want to be done with it.”

“We’ll leave.” Ranmaru says quietly. “But I’m gonna be more careful about it this time.”

Tokiya’s good leg bends, curling up to get him closer to Ranmaru. His side aches, with the way he’s sitting, but he ignores it. 

When Ranmaru leaves to revisit with his contact, he tells Tokiya before he leaves. 

“‘M gonna go later tonight.” Ranmaru mumbles, his arm wrapped around Tokiya, both men laying in bed. “‘M waitin’ fer you ‘t sleep, ‘n then I’ll leave. I’ll be back by tonight, ‘fore you go to sleep.”

“I won’t be sleeping without you.” Tokiya mumbles.

Ranmaru sighs. “I know. But ya won’t have to.”

Ranmaru does return the next night. 

As time continues, Ranmaru never leaves for more than a day. There are two more missions that Tokiya is assigned that Ranmaru joins him on- though when Tokiya mentions that they’re coming up, Ranmaru doesn’t leave at all until the mission has passed. 

And then comes the night where Ranmaru enters the room nearing one in the morning. Tokiya is sat in the bed, leaning against the wall, but his eyes follow Ranmaru when Ranmaru enters the room and locks the door behind himself. 

“Is it time?” Tokiya asks quietly. 

Ranmaru nods, grabbing two bags from the closet. 

Tokiya was mostly healed. He still had trouble moving quickly, but he was moving far easier. Ranmaru still took over, packing what he felt was important. Ranmaru throws both bags over his shoulder when he’s done. Both bags, a duffle and a backpack, are mostly full, and they’re hardly leaving anything behind. Tokiya reaches to take a bag, but Ranmaru shakes his head. 

“I’ve got it. We’re gonna have to move pretty fast, so I don’t wanna weigh you down.” Tokiya frowns, but he nods, after a few long seconds. He finally slides fully off of the bed, Ranmaru’s hand on his arm to steady him. “I just need you ‘t stay quiet, ‘n stick close, alright? We’re meetin’ with the contact.”

Tokiya stays silent, but he sticks close enough to Ranmaru that Ranmaru knows Tokiya gets it. Tokiya puts on his shoes, and then Ranmaru turns Tokiya to press a kiss to his forehead. He takes Tokiya’s hand, squeezing it and then holding Tokiya’s hand tightly. He opens the door, and they move, quickly and silently, down the hall, Ranmaru holding tightly to Tokiya’s hand. The only time they had gotten awfully close to being caught was when two of the Agency’s guards had walked near them and Ranmaru had pulled Tokiya off to the side, pinning Tokiya to the wall with his body in a position that reminds Tokiya of a movie. Tokiya had just let his head fall forward, onto Ranmaru’s shoulder, and they had held that position for a few long moments until Ranmaru was sure that the coast was clear. 

Tokiya isn’t sure where they’re going, until Ranmaru leads Tokiya to the loading dock, where they usually get into the cars that take them to their missions, and Ranmaru heads to one that’s parked in the loading dock. 

Tokiya tries to get Ranmaru’s attention, his eyes narrowing. 

This was too easy, right?

Ranmaru opens the door, urging Tokiya in. Tokiya does, but he turns his look back onto Ranmaru when Ranmaru climbs in and opens the door. 

The man sitting in the front seat has long, orange hair, pulled into a low ponytail, and he’s dressed in the same type of clothes the drivers in the Agency wear. 

“Relax.” Ranmaru mumbles, setting the bags by his feet and rubbing Tokiya’s back. “‘S alright. This is the guy.”

“We’re in an Agency car.” Tokiya’s unease is clear. 

“‘S part ‘a the plan. We’re gonna ditch this car ‘n get in another one. He’s helped other people like us before.”

Tokiya’s unspoken message gets through to Ranmaru- when he looks at Ranmaru with scared, desperate eyes. 

“We can trust him.” Ranmaru speaks quietly. Lowly. “...’N there not much worse of a situation we could get ourselves in, anyways.” Ranmaru leans in, murmuring softly into Tokiya’s ear. “‘Sides.” Ranmaru takes Tokiya’s hand, subtly brushing the backs of Tokiya’s fingers near Ranmaru’s waistband, letting Tokiya feel the handle of the gun. “Just in case.”

Tokiya leans against Ranmaru’s arm, when Ranmaru pulls away, and that’s how he stays until the car stops. Ranmaru grabs the bags with one hand, and Tokiya’s hand with his other. Tokiya’s free hand is fidgeting- using his thumb to turn the band on his ring finger. 

The orange-haired man heads silently to the next car, and Tokiya glances back at Ranmaru’s face. “Just a little further. Then we’ve got one last trip ‘n we’re free. Alright, babe?”

“Are we really?” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “Won’t they search?”

“They can try.”

“The place you’re both going is very strict on who enters.” The orange haired man’s voice is deep and smooth- but Tokiya would even say it’s _friendly_. He opens the backdoor, first, before opening the driver’s door to get in. “Ran’s proven to us that you’re leaving the Agency, and that’s not an easy thing to convince us of. No one currently involved in this Agency or any other can get themselves into our safe houses.”

“I don’t understand why you’d help us.” Tokiya holds tightly onto Ranmaru’s arm. 

“You’re not the only ones that have tricked and uprooted from your lives and forced into this dirty work. I’ve spent years in it myself. I really do feel for those in your position. It only makes sense, to help where I can. And I’m not the only one that feels this way- and you’re not the only ones that need help.” With that, the man climbs into the driver’s seat. Ranmaru gets Tokiya in the back and climbs in himself, closing the door. “Your tickets are in the back console.”

Tokiya, realizing that he’s in the middle, moves to scoot over to the end, but Ranmaru stops him and lifts Tokiya onto his lap to lower it. He takes out two paper tickets, and two fake IDs.

“Club and Diamond?” Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises, looking at the plastic ID cards. Their first names were the same- but their last names had changed. Tokiya tilts his head a bit, looking at the cards as well. 

“A bit silly- but no where you’re going will question them. You can speak to the courthouse there if you’d like to change them, or if you’d prefer them to be the same.”

Ranmaru just grunts, and Tokiya reaches out to take the paper tickets to investigate them. They seem to be plane tickets. Tokiya feels a flash of nervousness. He wasn’t a big fan of flying. 

Ranmaru rubs his back, seemingly noticing. “It’s alright, Toki. ‘S not a super long flight. A couple ‘a hours.”

Tokiya ducks his head into Ranmaru’s neck. He was tired. Ranmaru had stayed out later tonight- and he was worried, and scared, and he still wasn’t sure how much he could trust the man in the front seat. But he was with Ranmaru, and he couldn’t ignore the quickly growing hope that this really could be their escape. 

Tokiya hadn’t gotten any time to really just be _married_ to Ranmaru. He wanted to be a normal couple. He wanted to help Ranmaru cook dinner, and to lay in bed with Ranmaru while Ranmaru naps and Tokiya reads- he wants Ranmaru to be able to get himself another bass, because he had to leave his instrument behind when they went to the Agency, and he wants to watch Ranmaru’s relaxed expression as he plays again. 

He wants them to be happy, in the way they hadn’t been since they had enjoyed the Agency. He wants his nightmares to die down. He wants to see the nightmares that he knows Ranmaru has but never truly admits to die down. 

He just wants normality. The life that they should have, and the life they deserve. 

Ren finally stops, in front of an airport drop-off zone. 

“I might see the both of you again. You remember where to check in, Ran, right?”

Ren says ‘Ran’ in a different way than Tokiya says it. Tokiya realizes that Ranmaru must have introduced himself the way he usually did in the Agency. 

“I do.”

“Then this should be the last leg of your journey. I hope the both of you have a good flight.”

Ranmaru grunts. “Thanks, Ren.”

Ren hums. 

Tokiya and Ranmaru walk in together, and Tokiya finally gets his bag back. Ranmaru explains that the plane is leaving very shortly, and that they’re just bringing their bags as carry-ons. 

And Ranmaru wasn’t kidding. They just barely get there as loading starts, and they find themselves towards the back of the plane in one of the few rows that have a missing seat, though Ranmaru has Tokiya sit in the window seat and he sits in the middle. 

When the plane takes off, Tokiya holds tightly onto Ranmaru’s hand with both of his. Ranmaru’s free hand covers Tokiya’s. It isn’t until they’re steady in the air that Ranmaru pulls his hand back, to raise the armrest between them, and he wraps his arm around Tokiya’s shoulders to pull Tokiya into his side. “Y’look real tired. Go ahead ‘n sleep. I’ll wake ya up when we land.”

“Are you sure?” Tokiya mumbles, glancing up at Ranmaru’s face, but Ranmaru hums. 

“Yeah. It’d be better for ya ‘t be well rested anyways, babe. I don’t mind.”

Tokiya gets quiet, but when Ranmaru glances down, he can tell that Tokiya’s already almost asleep. Ranmaru doesn’t wake Tokiya up until they’ve actually landed, and are already pulling up to the airport. 

“Toki, babe. You’ve gotta wake up.” Ranmaru ducks his head, mumbling to Tokiya. Tokiya makes a soft, sleepy noise, cuddling into Ranmaru’s side, and Ranmaru sighs, but it’s a very fond noise. After a soft shake of Tokiya’s shoulder, Tokiya finally sits up, rubbing at his eyes. “We can take a nap when we get ‘t our new house, alright?”

Tokiya nods, stifling a yawn. They end up being among the last to get off of the plane- though less than a quarter of the plane actually gets off. It was a connecting flight, but Tokiya guesses that this area isn’t a very popular one. 

And it turns out that they’re awfully far out, because the “last leg of their trip” really wasn’t the _last leg_. They get stuck in another car for forty-five minutes, which only makes Tokiya a bit irritable- still tired and nervous, and a bit sore from sitting in the stiff leather seat for hours. Tokiya focuses on staring out of the window, focusing on Ranmaru’s thumb running over the back of his hand. 

They finally stop in a neighborhood, but Ranmaru speaks to the man in the car through the driver’s side window. 

Tokiya isn’t paying much attention, too busy watching all of the simple seeming, one story houses. They’re pretty, and simple, and Tokiya eyes the heavy, ornate metal gate that’s far enough to be in the distance. There are stores outside of it, but there are houses inside- more than Tokiya can actually properly see. There must be at least several streets worth of them. He can see that some further back are two stories. 

What he does get from the conversation is that Ranmaru will be reached out to, after he settles in, to discuss certain things such as jobs, and laws, and things to start setting up their new life. 

When the conversation is over, Ranmaru gruffly thanks the man, and then gently tugs on Tokiya’s hand to get his attention. Tokiya turns back to Ranmaru, and Ranmaru squeezes his hand as the man in the car drives off. “C’mon. Let’s go inside, babe.” 

Tokiya glances between two houses, looking nearly identical, but his eyes settle on the house that Ranmaru begins leading them too. 

“You still tired?” 

Tokiya hums softly. “But I’d… I’d like to look around first. The house, I mean.”

Ranmaru grunts in acknowledgment. “I’m not gonna start puttin’ shit away yet. We can do that later.” Tokiya finally notices the key in Ranmaru’s free hand when he uses it to unlock the door, walking inside and leading Tokiya. He locks the door when they’re both inside, bolting it as an extra measure. Tokiya glances to the white panel on the wall by the door. 

“Alarm system.” Ranmaru explains. “‘S not set up yet, but someone’ll be by tomorrow ‘t help us.” Tokiya thinks he looks a bit relieved. He _feels_ relieved. “We’re gonna have basic furniture, ‘n he mentioned that there’s some food, too. Anythin’ else, if we desperately need it, we can reach out ‘n figure somethin’ out- but fer now, they’re gonna set you ‘n I up with some sorta job. …’N beyond that it’s just… other ‘n the fact that they’re not gonna make us pay rent, ‘r utilities ‘r shit, ‘n the fact that we can’t reach out ‘t anyone outside ‘a this community it’s just… normal. As normal as we can get.”

“Jobs?” Tokiya’s voice is a bit nervous, even as Ranmaru leads him further in. It’s a simple living room- a bookshelf that’s mostly empty save for a few books, a television, a couch, a chair and a coffee table. Tokiya can see a closed door, and an empty doorway that leads to a kitchen and small dining room. Ranmaru drops their bags on the chair. 

“Nothin’ like we’ve done.” Ranmaru reassures. “They’ve got some lists. Stuff like cashiers ‘r chefs ‘r teachers. Stuff ‘t help build their safe houses ‘n communities. Nothin’ morally questionable. ...The only catch…” Ranmaru’s jaw tightens, and he glances away. Tokiya hears him sigh before he glances back to Tokiya. “We’re not gonna be able ‘t leave, babe.”

“They’d never let us leave the Agency, either. ...Ran, if we have to stay somewhere for the rest of our lives- I’d prefer to live working as a store cashier than to consistently be in danger, both at home and at work. I’d prefer any sense of normality over what we had. That’s… that’s all I want.”

“I’m glad.” Ranmaru lets go of Tokiya’s hand to turn Tokiya’s head, pulling Tokiya to him gently, though his kiss is almost hungry. He finally pulls away, but doesn’t let go of Tokiya’s face, his free hand on Tokiya’s waist. “There’s a better easy I could’a done this, babe. …’Specially in the beginnin’ but… I wanna live with you. ‘N I think we finally fuckin’ can.” Ranmaru kisses him again, and when he pulls away, he barely moves back. “Why don’t we go lay down?”

“I’d like that.” Tokiya manages a smile. “You know… I don’t think we’ve ever celebrated an anniversary of our marriage.”

“Oh yeah?” Ranmaru’s eyebrow raises, but Tokiya can tell that he looks entertained. 

“Maybe we should do that.” One of Tokiya’s arms makes its way around Ranmaru’s neck, to move into his hair. Tokiya’s suggestive smile turns teasing. “But maybe after a nap. I think I might need a little more energy before I really devote myself to you.”

Ranmaru snorts, kissing Tokiya again- but this one is shorter and softer. “Sounds good. How ‘bout we get some sleep, ‘n then I can make us some dinner ‘n we can spend the rest ‘a the night together in bed?”

“Ah- that’s all I think I’ve really wanted for years, Ran.” Tokiya’s nose brushes Ranmaru’s. “Things… have been hard. It’s all been hard. I’m… there are things I regret. Things I wish hadn’t happened- but damn, Ran… you will never be one of those things. And it took us a lot to get here- but thank God we did.”


End file.
